BUMPTIOUS BUNCOMBES

The Rogue Speaks:

"Donald, don't mention birth certificates again.

  You're embarrassing me."

My B lesson for Jenny's Alphabe-Thursday this week is about BUMPTIOUS BUNCOMBES. The word bumptious means self-centered and buncombe is speech making for the mass media.

Conceited speech making for the mass media is seriously getting to me!! As soon as certain political ads come on, Rod knows to turn the volume down on the TV. It's not just the TV. ads, but the bald-faced lies that are floating around the Internet as well. I am amazed at the stupidity of some of these politicians and their handlers!!! What do they think we are, anyway? We received an email this week from some moron who was trying to convince us that our president has banned Bibles from Walter Reed hospital! Do you believe the chutzpa?????

In 1994, the late Republican, Barry Goldwater said, "Mark my words, if and when these preachers get control of the (Republican) party, and they are trying to do so, It's going to be a terrible damn problem. Frankly, these people frighten me.  But these Christians believe that they are acting in the name of God, so they won't compromise.  I know.  I've tried to deal with them."

The lies that Mitt Romney's handlers have come up with lately make me wonder if any of these people actually know that "thou shalt not bear false witness" is one of the 10 Commandments.  On Romney's campaign website you can see a claim that Obama has accelerated federal spending "at a pace without precedent in recent history."  What a load of crap!  Just last week, Market Watch (Dow Jones website) stated that there had been no huge increase in spending under Obama.  In fact, the yearly increase during Obama's tenure has been only 1.4 percent, compared with 7.3 percent during the first four years of the (George W.)Bush's administration, and a whopping 8.1 percent in Bush's second term.

Why do these people think they can get away with these absurdities?  Because they are thinking that most conservative voters won't go to the trouble of checking their words for accuracy.  And guess what?  They're right!  They are too busy watching the conservative network TV stations' banal programming to be bothered with learning the truth.    By the way, what exactly did happen on last week's episode of "Swamp People?"  I missed that one!!!!

Not everyone cares for my political rants, but I can guarantee that you will like my "C" post  next week, because it is filled with beauty!!  Come back and check it out!!!

SHE'S GONNA BE MAD!!

The Rogue Speaks:

Jenny's mean streak has reared its ugly head again.  For our 100 word Saturday Centus, she has given us another picture from which to work.  Usually her pictures are sweet and sentimental, but not this week!! I think she's in a bad mood because her little granddaughter, Mo, is going to first grade next year, and that made her cry!  So she's taking it out on us!!!  O.k, fine!!! We'll show her!!

SHE'S GONNA BE MAD!!!

(See what I mean????)

Click, click, click.  The twins heard the sound of Mommy’s  high heel shoes on the marble hallway floor of their mansion.  Their eyes grew wide with alarm, as they looked at each other, knowing just what would happen.

“We’re in trouble now!  She’s gonna be really mad!” the boy twin said.

“Quick!  We gotta clean this mess up before she opens the door!” said the little girl as tears welled up in her eyes.

“This was your idea!” they both said to each other. “No, yours!”  “No, yours!”

The bathroom door opened suddenly.  “Who’s been in my make-up!”

O.k., Centusians!  Rise to the challenge!  I'm off to check the other entries!

p.s.  You will NEVER see me in shoes like those, and here's why:

CRUEL SHOES ARE DANGEROUS

TO YOUR HEALTH!!!!!

A is for ALPENGLOW

The Rogue Speaks:

My first thought was to write about "amnesia,"  because the Republicans seem to have conveniently forgotten just how we got ourselves in this financial mess in the first place, more recently starting with Reaganomics, when our debt tripled,  and drifting down to "the decider," George W. Bush, who ran the national debt up to $10.62 trillion "all by his lonesome" with his tax-cuts and two wars in the middle east.  Of course, he was helped along by the stock market and the housing crisis.   Even a 5th grader knows that if one cuts the amount of money coming into one's checking account, and increases the amount that one spends every month, one will end up in  deep doo-doo when it comes time to pay the bills.  The Republicans' answer to this dilemma is to cut programs that the older, less affluent taxpayers depend upon, while leaving alone or adding to the absurd programs that are of no benefit to the majority of American citizens, and line the pockets of the wealthy 1%.

But enough of this depressing political garbage!  It's Alphabe-Thursday!!!

I need something serene and calm in my life right now.  I need ALPENGLOW!  By strict definition, alpenglow is not direct sunlight, and can really only be seen after sunset and before sunrise.  But in the mountains, alpenglow can be seen when the mountains are lit by the fading sunlight. When there is a threat of rain, the sunrise has a red or rosy glow because of water or ice particles hanging low in the atmosphere, while those luscious sunsets are due to dust particles in the air.   Here are a few examples of both--scenes I have captured where I live, in Tucson.

December Sunrise

When the mountains turn pink, it's time for a drink!

(Old Tucson saying! No, really!!)

Ah, that rosy glow!!

Winter sunrise, rain to follow!

Since we are leaving for Jekyll Island in a little over a week, I thought I would add some of my coastal photos, as well.

Jekyll Island Sunrise,

 fourth place, Arizona Daily Star

vacation photo contest

Shrimp boats at Latitude 31,

 storm brewing at sunset

Alpenglow and a risen moon
Jekyll Island, Georgia

I hope you feel more calm and peaceful now!  Alphabe-Thursday is always such fun, and our teacher, Miss Jenny Matlock, is so kind and generous when she grades our assignments!!  If you aren't a student in our class, you really should join.  I'll be looking for you!!!

FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN

The Rogue Speaks:

First, my Saturday Centus:

FIRE ON THE MOUNTAIN

The morning sun glowed orange through the thick smoke.  Breathing was difficult, and our eyes burned.  My BFA, Diane Loving,  called and said, "Get your stuff.  We have a room at the resort."  I drove to our Hilton, where families,  displaced from the Aspen fire, were housed.

We set up our art supplies in a room off the lobby, and children and parents  came to  draw feelings about losing all they owned as Mount Lemmon burned. 

"We need some FUN stuff!" my Diane cried, as she pulled out her Origami supplies, and taught them all to make paper boxes to house their drawings.

Some of Diane's Origami Boxes

(I know Jenny said no extra photos, but this hit too close to home for me to not add some.)
That is the end of my Centus, a true story, I might add.  I have added three more photos, and a few facts.  On June 17, 2003, the Aspen fire began on Mt. Lemmon ( 9,157 feet high),  in the Santa Catalina Mountains.  It raged until the monsoon rains came on July 15.  It burned 84,750 acres, and destroyed 340 homes and businesses in the small town of Summerhaven (8,200 feet above sea level).  It was determined that the fire was human-caused.

As the fires raged, wildlife, including bears, mountain lions, and deer, escaped into the city of Tucson, searching for food and water.  When the monsoon rains finally came, the waters ran down into Tucson, and the aroyos ran black with the runoff from the charred mountain.

Taken from my back yard,

as the fire approached the valley floor

Rescuers and fighters gather while the

conflagration heightens

View from the south east side of Tucson

That's it for this week, Centusians.  I hope you enjoyed my true story.  Don't forget to read the other offerings at Jenny's blog, Off On My Tangent. If you are not a Centusian, please consider becoming one!  We'd love to have you!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DI!!!

My ZINE, and a ZANY Guest!

The Rogue Speaks:

We have come to the letter "Z" in Jenny's Alphabe-Thursday.  Our blogs are ZINES, or publications that are self-produced. " Rogue Artists" is my zine, and to honor Z, I have a ZANY guest essayist today.  She is my BFA (Best Friend Artist) and her name is Diane Loving.

DIANE LOVING

Diane and I have been friends for 10 years. We have done a lot of mischief in all that time, and probably should be serving time for some of the pranks we have pulled off, but the art gods have protected us.  You can read a short biography of Diane by going here, but make sure you have some clean underwear handy.  You can also read a birthday poem I wrote for her here.

Diane is a filligree artist who has published many books filled with her wonderful black and white art, and her uplifting words of joy, support and concern.  The bust below, created for Breasts for Life, a fundraiser for Susan B. Komen, hangs in my studio.

Diane teaches Art History, and her reputation packs her classes every semester.  Diane has never met a famous artist whose history she does not know, and love.

Here is her ZANY essay:

JUST GIVE THEM THE FINGER

In order that we might return a modicum of civility to our civilization, I am proposing that we adopt a national “I am an Idiot” symbol. Now don’t go all politically correct on me regarding the term “idiot.” Trust me; true idiots aren’t offended by the term, so there’s no need for the rest of us morons to get huffy.

I am talking about the idiocy that all of us display upon occasion, followed by almost immediate awareness of our faux pas. The national “I am an Idiot” symbol would be a simple acknowledgment of a mistake we’ve made, and could conceivably reduce the number of instances of road rage, ball game brouhahas, and crankiness in crowds. It’s a nonverbal cue that signifies “I’m sorry.”

A possible symbol could be holding an extended index finger up to one’s forehead (symbolizing an “I” for idiot.) An offended motorist would immediately know that what you are expressing is, “I’m sorry I almost hit you but there’s a speed trap ahead and I needed to finish my texting, sandwich and novel before a cop sees me.” Perhaps, in road rage incidents a more likely symbol would be holding an extended middle finger to one’s forehead, palm out, as if to say, “My error was so egregious I am flipping-off myself.” The symbol thus becomes a pre-emptive strike.

The national “I am an Idiot” symbol could also cut down on a lot of useless chat when the offense occurs person-to-person. Say you have just cut in front of someone in line at checkout.

You are blithely putting your items on the conveyor belt when you hear

“Ahem, I was here first.”

You have to apologize profusely, swearing you didn’t see them.

They say, “Well, that’s okay.” But what they are thinking is, “What do you mean you didn’t see all 6’4” of my 230 pound frame?”

Then you have to respond, “I know what you’re thinking. But I was preoccupied, I’m sorry I wasn’t paying more attention.”

They mumble, “It’s okay.” But of course they are thinking, “You’re either rude, an idiot, or a rude idiot.”

A lot of time and idle prattle could be avoided by simply extending the “I” finger at your forehead after the first “Ahem.”

The only ensuing response thus becomes, “Ohhh, I see. You know you’re an idiot.”

Everyone goes happily into their day, especially you because you got through the line faster.

I realize an extended finger has different connotations in different countries. I don’t care. I weary of explaining and apologizing to the rest of the world for our national eccentricities and symbols. It is the responsibility of a foreigner in this country to learn our language, our eagle, our flag, and our Idiot finger.

I am proposing that Congress passes legislation to adopt the “I am an idiot” symbol nationally. Heaven knows it won’t be their most costly piece of legislation…or their most idiotic.

STORY OF A NON-BAKER

The Rogue Speaks:

This is week 106 of Jenny Matlock's (Off On My Tangent) Saturday Centus!  Each Saturday Jenny gives us a prompt with which to write a short story.  We have 100 words, plus the prompt.  Since I have been know to be, uh, "wordy," this is always a real challenge for me.  Oh, and speaking of challenges, if you have not read my Thursday post, please do!  You'll find it here.  The prompt for this week is in bold type.

Now, on to my STORY OF A NON-BAKER:

“Cream together butter,  and sugar…”

What does that mean?  Do I add cream?  What kind?  Not my expensive face cream that will remove all my wrinkles in only 20 years.

Wait!  Maybe if I mix the butter and sugar and that cream, I will become soft and sweet!  Sweet?  Me?  Nah!  Besides, this is supposed to be food!  I’m baking cookies! 

 Why did I agree to this?  The only time I “bake” is when I throw the store-bought cookies in the oven for a few minutes to fill the house with the aroma to make people THINK that they’re fresh-baked!  That’s it!

Works for me!!!!


Now, that was a prompt I could really sink my teeth into, don't you think?  But it was way too easy, since I use that cookies-baking trick all the time! 

See you next week!!!

YIKES! THE IDIOCY OF DEBT!!!

The Rogue Speaks:

While waiting to be sliced on to remove three out-of-control skin cancers (thank you, Arizona, for all this sunshine!), I glanced through a Reader's Digest that contained an article about wasteful government spending.  Yikes! I just love it when I'm right!  Remember my post about paying down our national debt by cutting out wasteful spending???  Well, I didn't know how wasteful it really was! Senator Tom Coburn of Oklahoma has written a book called Wasteland 2011.  You can read about it here .

I took 11 of the most absurd ones from the Readers Digest to share with you today:

$207 million to study the redundant engine program of the F 35 fighter jet..

"Haven't we already done this???"

$120 million in benefit checks were sent out to DEAD government employees.

Dead, but the benefits just keep coming!!

$113,227 was given to the International Center for the History of Electronic Games for video game preservation.

"No!  I am NOT a game addict!!"

$606,000 given to Columbia University to study online dating.

"God!  These people are IDIOTS!!!"

$492,005 given to Wellesly College to answer the question"Do you trust your Twitter feed?"

"and the purpose if this is...????"

$55,382 given to Va. Commonwealth University toward a study on hookah smoking by Jordanian students.

 What is a hookah, and why do we do it???

$198,195 to UC Riverside to study whether happy or unhappy people spend more time on social media.

Some people have no shame

$592,527 given to primate researchers to study, in part, what feces-throwing among chips reveals about their communications skills

"Hey!  Think fast!!!"

$338,998 for study women's weaving and wool in Iceland in the years AD874-1800

"Baaaa!"

We all know about the $15.3 million Alaska got to build the "Super Bridge to Nowhere."

"Just where are we going?  Oh, nowhere in particular!"

There's one more that I would like to share with you.  Children, prisoners, and others were awarded $1 billion in energy efficient home improvement tax credits.  These credits were given to people who DIDN'T EVEN OWN A HOME!  Furthermore, the IRS doesn't even require proof of home ownership.

"Yes, and thanks to the government, it's energy efficient!!"

Wonder why our national debt is out of control??  Add up just these 11 items.  They add up to more than one billion 344 million plus American dollars.  There are no doubt thousands of other items costing billions of dollars that we could dump from the federal budget if the government just wanted to take the time to seek them out.  We should DEMAND that they do just that!  There is not one government worker who deserves a $300 toilet seat for the restroom, not even the President!!!

I would like to point out that the practice of throwing money away on non-essentials is nothing new in the federal government.  It has been going on for DECADES.  The difference here, is that we have never been so deeply in debt as we are today, and the need for controlling wasteful spending has never been so great.

That's my offering for this week's Alphabe-Thursday.  Next week, I'll be publishing an essay by my BFA, and you don't want to miss it!  See you then!!!

THE NEXT PORN QUEEN????

The Rogue Speaks:

I already had an idea for the 105th Saturday Centus, and Jenny's prompt was just perfect!! It's hard, sometimes, to work with only 100 words plus the prompt, but I think I have been succinct enough to get my point across.  The prompt is in bold type.

THE NEXT PORN QUEEN????



photo from Gossip Extra

photo from The Washington Examiner

“It is our pleasure to have you on the show!”  Nadya Suleman heard that a lot in the beginning.  She had dreams of becoming the next Kate Goslin, as if that was something to be proud of.  I believe her sole purpose for having 14 children was to be a star.  Too bad she was so incredibly stupid, not to mention unattractive.

Now her children, some of whom have health problems, are living in squalor and will soon be without a home.  They are living on welfare!  The taxpayers are footing the bill for her dreams of stardom! Her next stop? The porn industry!

Thanks for reading!  Now go to Jenny's blog and read MORE from the other Centusians!!



XTRA "W"

The Rogue Speaks:

For last week's Alphabe-Thursday, I posted my son Joey's story for Studio 360's Significant Object contest, so I thought that this week I would post my own story about the Significant WOODEN Object.   As you know, neither of us won the objects about which we wrote, but that's o.k.  My own house is packed full with "objects" and I really don't have room for more stuff.  In fact, I really should do some significant throwing out or giving away some of the "collectibles" I have.  Not my cocktail napkins, though!  Rod was complaining recently about the lack of storage in one of the kitchen cabinets, but I told him to "get over it!"

For my "X" post this week, I offer you an XTRA "W" in the form of this story:

THE INVENTOR

The late summer heat was oppressive, but Granddad’s basement workshop was cool and dry.  Dust motes floated in the sunlight from the tiny windows, and the air was filled with the aroma of old wood shavings and lubricating oil.  A single, unadorned light bulb hung from a cord above the ancient workbench against one wall.

It was at that massive workbench that Granddad had created his inventions, many of which now stood against the other three walls.   Around ten years ago, Grandma had made me drag an overstuffed arm chair, faded and worn from some forty plus years of service, down the steps and into the basement.

“He needs a place to rest when his back gets tired,” she told me, and her eyes were warm and filled with love for the man who had been her soul mate for almost seventy three years.

Granddad sat in the old arm chair while I brought out items for him to identify.  The keepers were put in one corner of the basement for “the children” to pick what they wanted to keep as a memento.  The rest I tossed into barrels for the trash men to take away on Friday morning.

“Now that little invention was for your dad,” he said, as I brought out what appeared to be a step stool on wheels, with a long handle attached.  “He was small for his age, you know.  I made that so he could roll it around the house and step up to reach things he needed.  You know, like a drinking glass out of the kitchen cabinet.  He loved that old thing until the wheels went out from under him one day and he split his head open on that old secretary in the parlor.”

One by one, the unusual items, created out of his imagination, were sorted and placed in their designated piles.  There was one last object, a small wooden thing, made in three pieces and put together with two bolts.  I turned it over and over in my hands, but the usefulness of this piece eluded me.

“What’s this, Granddad?”

“Oh, that!!  Now that has a story, let me tell you!  It’s my best invention ever!  I sold a lot of those back in the day.  Yessir, I surely did!”

He took the piece from me and stroked it lovingly, like an adult might stroke a cherished toy from childhood.  I knew that feeling.  I still had all my lead soldiers that he had made for me by pouring molten lead into the tiny molds, then polishing and painting them.  If one got broken, or lost, he would simply make another.

“What does it do, Granddad?” I asked.

He leaned forward and began to study the piece, turning it this way and that.  After a while, he leaned back and rested his head on the headrest of the arm chair.  His eyes told me that he was somewhere in the long ago past.

“What does it do?” I asked again.

After a few seconds, he looked at me, and I could see tears welling up in his eyes.

“I don’t remember,” he said.