O is for ONUS

The Rogue Speaks:

1ONUS

[Latin —]

a: burden

b: obligation

c: blame

d: stigma

2

[New Latin onus (probandi), literally, burden of proving]: burden of proof

Onus.  Do you know that word?  Well, of course you do!  Have you ever used it, and if so, how?  Have you ever said, “Well, the onus is on you!,” meaning the burden or obligation, or blame is on you.  It can also mean the stigma is on you.  Keep these definitions in mind while I tell you some stories.

This is story #1.  A friend of mine has an adult son who is not only an alcoholic, but is also suffers from schizophrenia.  He is supposed to be living in a facility in another state, but sometimes he checks himself out, goes off his meds, goes on a bender, and ends up at her doorstep.  This guy is not a YOUNG adult.  He is well into his adulthood, and is no mental dummy.  His actions cause my friend a huge amount of stress, especially when he ends up in her town and is thrown in jail for getting drunk and screwing up.  Then he calls her and tells her he loves her and she has to bail him out and give him a place to stay.  My friend is a senior citizen, and has issues of her own that she is struggling with, so when her son shows up, she is just beside herself. 

Now I ask you, my highly intelligent blogging friends, is the onus on her?  Should she end up being responsible for her adult child for the rest of her life?  Is it  One child, in any way HER fault that he ended up in such a state?  I seriously want to know what you think about this story.

Now I have ANOTHER friend who has several children.  They were all raised in the same house, and lived by the same rules, but ONE of them ended up getting into drugs and has ended up being hospitalized several times, and just CANNOT seem to stay straight, no matter how much her family tries to help her.  Again, this woman is an adult.  Is the onus on her family that she has ended up in this state?  Is the onus on them to care for her indefinitely?? Please give me your thoughts on this story, #2.

Story #3 is about another woman who has a very large family.  Her children are all well into adulthood.  With the exception of one adult child, her children have grown up to be very loving and responsible adults.  All but one of her children has children of their own.   The mother’s life was difficult to say the least, and she was married more than once, but despite her difficulties, she always tried to do the best that she could in raising her children.  One child, however, the oldest, has some serious but questionable issues with the mother. 

This adult child has two children.  Unbeknownst to the family, the first child was sent away to live with friends in another state because he was deemed to be unmanageable.  The extended family was kept in the dark for a year in regard to the whereabouts of the child, and when the truth came out, the mother of the child would not let the grandparents even see their grandson.  Reasons for this behavior were vague, and basically unknown.

As a result of this alienation, the boy grew up not knowing that his grandparents loved and missed  him.  When he finally contacted them he was a high school graduate and only wanted money so he could take a trip.

The  second grandchild in this family was dearly loved by the grandparents, and they tried to spend as much time with him as they could.  The child actually preferred to be with his grandparents, stating that his mother didn’t love him.  As you might expect, those words only inflamed the mother, and caused even more alienation.

How did the child’s children turn out?  The older, who is HIGHLY gifted, ended up getting married young  and  has a job with hourly pay.  Had he had a kind and loving parent whose goal in life was to do the best that could be done for him, he would have gone on to a successful college life at best.

The second child, also a boy if you remember, decided to leave home and go to live with his biological father.  He graduated from high school before he moved away, but he has no job, no driver’s license, and no visible means of support, and he is only 22 years old.  He watches a lot of t.v.

As it was told to me, this is a pretty long story, and not yet finished, but I think you get the general idea.

Now, my question is about this woman with the angry and disrespectful child, whose own children could have succeeded in life but shamefully did not,  is as follows:  Is the onus on my friend, the mother, for the behavior of one child when all the other children had exactly the same love and the same upbringing?  Just what is the onus in regard to her relationship with her unhappy adult child who basically has no use for her?  Should she continue to take verbal abuse from her progeny?  Should she try for some kind of reconciliation??   Just where does one draw the line?  Give me your thoughts, please, on Mother #3.

Whew!  I'm glad my kids are all grown up with children of their own!  We had a house full at Christmas, and hope that more will show up for spring break!!!

O.k., I have learned that for some reason known only to Blogger, my link is not working correctly, so I am sorry about that, and hope that you have clicked on the yellow "HOME" below the bad news.

One a brighter note, I have been set FREE by Summit Sports Medicine to once again play golf as of next Wednesday.  We shall see how that goes!!

Please be sure to read the other lessons for Jenny’sAlphabe-Thursday.  I’m heading over there right now!!

Interloper

The Rogue Speaks:


Without you around, roaring and belching, vibrating my every thought, my life would be sweet! I wouldn't worry every second of the day just what you're up to, and how you might end up wrecking lives and hurting someone I love so much!

I don't understand the fascination you hold! Why do some people crave to have you as their own?? Don't they know the dangers? Doesn't it bother them to be cold or wet or shaken right to their teeth?

Without you around, I sleep like a baby, you Suzuki Boulevard C50T 2009 touring bike!  Now that my son bought you, I may never sleep again!!!

This is my offering for Jenny's Saturday Centus.  Only 107 words, including the prompt, which is in. bold type.  There are a lot of centusians out there trying to get some sleep, so please check out the other offerings!

An Artist's Critical Mass

  "Bad Moon Rising"               J. McEwen


The Rogue Speaks:

Jenny's prompt for her  Centusians this week is "I've Officially Reached Critical Mass."

Have I ever reached critical mass?  No, but I have come pretty close in my life.  At the next-to-last moment, though, something deep inside me always managed to catch hold and drag me back to fight another day.  That something, sometimes called "the will to live," I believe to be a kind of intellectual curiosity.  "If I hang on, I wonder just how this will all shake out."  My curiosity about life has always managed to snuff out that fuse that could eventually lead to critical mass.

Of what does your "will to live" consist?

This is my offering for Jenny's Saturday's Centus.  Now, I'm off to read the other entries.  You should, too!!

NO NO!!!!!

The Rogue Speaks:

I posted this last week, so many of you have already read it, and since this is "N" week, here it is again!!

While viewing an art exhibit and sale here in Brunswick recently, I was shocked to find a familiar subject displayed.  I immediately knew that the subject was not an original idea of the artist.  Over  twelve years ago, one of my students brought to class a photo that he wanted to paint.  After having explained to him the rules for copying the work of other artists, I allowed him to paint from the photo strictly as an exercise in class.  I explained to him that due to copyright laws, he could never offer his painting for sale.  It was the same subject of the painting which I saw recently.

Over the centuries, many aspiring artists have been seen  in well-know galleries around the world, sitting in front of famous paintings, studying and copying them, not to sell, but to study the techniques of the artists and hopefully learn from them.  Very few of those artists have actually tried to pass their copied work off as original, and those who did, never got far for obvious reasons.

ART PIRACY IS LIKE ANY OTHER THEFT--IT IS ILLEGAL!!

Still, some artists will keep trying to pass others' works off as their own originals.  Over the years, I have been frequently asked to jury art into exhibits, and I think I can spot a copy pretty quickly.  The artist who painted a close-up of a buffalo stampede, or a tiger, for example, was asked point-blank just how close she had gotten to those wild animals.  She hemmed and hawed, and never really answered the question.  Her work was not accepted into the exhibit.

Another artist who kept trying to display copied works, even after having been caught early on, was told that she could no longer enter her work into competitions unless she could prove that the subject matter was original.  The work she copied?  Straight out of art "how to" books!

Some artists think that they will never be caught.  Don't count on it, ever!  Someone, somewhere, sometime, will recognize the piece, no matter how obscure it might be.  While glancing through art for sale on Overstock.com one day, a painting caught my eye.  It was a lovely piece, painted by a skilled artist, but the subject and composition looked very familiar to me.  A copy of that piece had been offered for sale by a Sunday painter, a ham-fisted artist who was a new member of our guild.  The board of directors of the guild was informed, and soon discovered that this artist was making a habit of copying the work of others.  I had never been on Overstock.com's art space, and it was by shear accident that I found that piece.

Obviously it is not only in the art world that plagiarism is a NO NO.  Life is filled with examples of dishonesty and theft.  We read about it every day.  There have been unscrupulous bloggers who have stolen articles from others' blogs and posted them as their own, and this very morning I read an article in our paper regarding a minister who had been taking his sermons off the internet without giving credit to the original minister who wrote them.  What happened? That stealing fellow was promptly fired!  I guess he had forgotten one of the commandments by which he supposedly lived.

No matter which of the muses you follow, stay true to the concept of honesty in your life.  Avoid the embarrassment of being eventually found out as a fraud and a cheat.  It can happen!!

This post, "NO NO!!!" is in honor of the letter "N" for Jenny's AlphabeThursday.  It wasn't until I went to Jenny's site to link up that I realized that this week's letter is "M" but fortunately, I DID write an "M" post, which I did link up.  So you knew already that I'm a ditz--oh, well!

p.s.  Once again, Blogger is stopping me from adding photos to my blog, so please look in my right sidebar for an example of a famous painting that has been copied many times!!!!

Memento

The Rogue Speaks:

 

 

 

I'll bet you thought that word was misspelled, but it's not.  People have been saying "momento" for so long now, that  it has almost become acceptable.  I say "almost" because it is not acceptable to me.  I am tired of hearing words spoken incorrectly for so long that people begin to think it's correct.  Rod's pet peeve is the word "forte."  So many people have said "fortay" for so long now, that it has become an alternate pronunciation,  The correct pronunciation is "fort" and if you look it up in the dictionary, you will not see an accent mark over the "e," which would make it "fortay."

 

So much for that!  I wanted to show you a small part of the "memory of things past" that I have collected since we have lived here on the Georgia coast.  I missed the deadline for Jenny's AlphabeThursday, so I will have to post TWO letters this week!

 

Sea shells are certainly a work of ART, and there is an ART to correct grammar, so ART+ART+ART!!!!