"HEY! WHAT'S IN HERE??" the street thief cried.

The Rogue Speaks:

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O.k, so most people don't put much stuff on the fridge any more. I got some really funny stuff, but not as much as I though I would. BUT, I bet you have a lot of useless clutter in your wallets, pockets, and purses!

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I really don't have a lot of oddball stuff in my purse--6 or 8 ball point pens, wallet, change purse with 38 cents in it, check-book, a comb, a lipstick, and an odd assortment of store receipts, all pretty current. Nothing bizarre or exciting. Oh, I almost forgot! I have a miniature metal measuring tape attached to my key chain. I used to carry a little set of tiny hand tools like screw drivers and stuff, and a pair nail clippers, but I lost them. When the kids were little, I had crayons, one baby sock, and a pacifier covered in lint. Oh, and maybe some squashed saltines in those little packets.

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My sweet and saintly 95 year old mother-in-law, on the other hand, has a purse HEAVY with the most odd collection of STUFF. The last time she came to visit us and stayed for three months, her suitcase was an amazement to me. She brought two, and the big one was filled with yarn, some neatly wound, and some not so much. She had a portable DVD player in there, a very large assortment of make-up, and one white linen skirt. The smaller suitcase contained her pajamas, many of the silk lounging kind, her robe, and two pair of summer shoes, one of which looked like it had been eaten by a dog. I was furious that none of her daughters had overseen the packing of her bags--not even the one who LIVES with her! When I brought this up to that one, she told me that Mum brought what she WANTED to bring! Do you EVEN BELIEVE THAT????

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It was January here, and not warm enough for a linen skirt. So I took her shopping and bought some cozy clothes for her to keep her shrinking 95 year old body warm. While on the shopping trip she complained that her purse was making her tired. I offered to carry it for her, and when I took it, my knees almost buckled. "Mum," I asked, "No wonder you're tired! This thing must way at least 10 pounds."

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After dinner that night, I took on the task of cleaning out her purse so it was manageable. Mum was safely ensconced in Rod's big leather chair, all warm and cozy in her new clothes, drinking a glass of wine, with our dog Precious at her feet in case she dropped something edible. I dumped the purse contents out on her bed. Then I just stared at it for several minutes in wonder and amazement.

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"Rod! Can you come here for a minute?" He came in and stared at the heap of STUFF on the bed. "What did you do? Dump out the junk drawer?" "No," I said quietly. "I'm cleaning out Mum's purse." He backed out of the bedroom with a stunned look on his face.

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O.k.,now this is what I recovered from the bowels of Mum's purse: one flashlight, a pair of scissors, a screwdriver, a battery charger, a battery tester I used to check the 15 AA batteries (all dead), two wallets, a change purse that weighed at least two pounds, a change counter with one dime in the dime slot, four tubes of lipstick, a pretty little box containing 4 ivory tooth picks from her trip to the Far East in the mid-seventies, a HUGE manicure set in a leather pouch, an adapter, twenty used kleenex, a 1970 copy of "The Upper Room," a wrist watch with a broken blue plastic band that she got from a charity for the blind, that talks to tell you the time, OR it crows! She is deaf, even with her hearing aids. Then came an assortment of receipts dating back to 1980, recipes cut out of a 1950 Woman's Day magazine, 40 or 50 hair pins, and last, but not least, a date book from 1941. There! Top that!

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Let me tell you, in no uncertain terms, this woman is the salt of the earth. She is sweet, loving, devoted to her children, and she reads her Bible every day. She is a child of the depression, and has difficulty throwing even the smallest item away because even if it is dead as a post, it might one day be of use. I am blessed to have her in my life.

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HOWEVER, we are not from her era. We have no excuse for the stuff we drag around. In our "disposable" world, none of us would dream of keeping the items she clings to. She even tries to re-use her Depends. I had to sneak into her room every night and confiscate it. God love her! She never even noticed. Can you imagine trying to recycle disposable diapers or sanitary---uh--you know. We are too busy with other things to be bothered to save or even purge, unless things begin to get seriously out of hand. Thank goodness, we do recycle the important stuff, though.

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Tell me what you carry around that is strange, bizarre, useless, or just plain funny. Not only that, tell my WHY!! This is a challenge! GO!