The Rogue Speaks:
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Well, you all know we have a new dog, Mulligan. He has been a big hit with the family, especially his two dog cousins, Callie and Nugget. They came over a couple of times for play dates while their parents were on vacation, and Rod and Keil were taking care of them.
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They were so excited to visit! When they came through the door, they immediately headed for the back yard, with Mulligan right behind them. Precious is not to keen on them coming over. She thinks they are way too loud and boistrous. She stands back and eyes their antics with disdain. If they try to get her to join in, she shows them her teeth. They get the picture.
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After a couple of trips around the yard, they come in and do several laps around the house, with Mulligan in hot pursuit. Then they each grab a toy and play keep-away for a while. I was hoping eventually they would tire themselves out and collapse on the floor for a while.
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But NOOOOOO! They devised a new game! A barking match! They stood around barking at each other, trying to see who could be the loudest. This is no joke! They each kept getting louder and louder, until my ears started to ring. I got a phone call, and decided to move to the bedroom so I could hear my BFA. Apparently, that is against the rules. It seems that I had been deemed the judge of this contest. As soon as I got to the bedroom, here they came, barking louder and louder. I moved to the office--no luck--there they were.
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When my kids were little and I had them all in the back of the van with their friends, and they started yelling at each other or arguing, or whatever, I could take it for a while--just tune them out. This is something completely different. I tried to tune the dogs out, but I think they knew it. Eventually the kids would fall asleep, and I hoped that the dogs' throats would get sore and they would tire themselves out.
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When I was working as an import broker in Chicago, my boss wanted me to learn German so I could communicate with some of the growers. I had tapes that I would listen to in the car, going to and from work, and when I ran errands. When the kids came along with me, I still played the tapes, even though I couldn't really concentrate. I know I didn't learn very much with yelling kids in the back of the van. The kids, however, learned to count to ten in German with perfect little German accents. Someone was paying attention over all that cacaphony!
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I don't think I would want the dogs to learn to bark in German--a little too gutteral, I think. But maybe one of the romance languages like French.
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I stopped trying to learn German with the kids in the car, so I would put on a little Mozart. As the kids grew up,the noise level dropped exponentially, and it was actually pleasant having them with me. One day I was rushing to get my errands done, and I realized that I had forgotten my Mozart. I was very annoyed with myself, until my son, Jeff, told me that he would entertain me while I drove. He proceeded to whistle Eine Kleine Nachtmusik from start to finish. I was astounded, and thrilled!
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I could put on some music for the dogs, but I would be afraid to play Mozart's classic, because it might come out like this: BARK BARKBARK BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARK BARK
BARKBARK BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARK
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Oh, yes, I know. I could just put them all in the back yard and lock the door, but I'm afraid our mean-spirited neighbor, Paula, would call the police on me. It would be just like her to do that!! Shortly after we moved here, we were in bed one night and Precious just couldn't settle down. She heard the coyotes in the arroyo, and she thought they wanted her to come out and play.We were so tired, so we decided to put her in her crate in the laundry room. We closed the door. We closed our bedroom door. She didn't bark or howl--She SCREAMED at the top of her lungs. We decided to give her 15 minutes to calm down, but 5 minutes into her tirade the phone rang. It was Paula, complaining that she couldn't sleep with the racket going on. Poor Rod was exausted and couldn't think of a comeback, and he knew if he gave me the phone that I COULD and WOULD!
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The only way she could have heard Precious was if she had her ear to the wall and had one of those trumpet things. We ended up having to put Precious back in bed with us. So now you see why I can't let the Doggie Serenaders out in the back yard.
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I have told Rod that there will be no more play dates at this house!
16 comments:
The kids learned German part was funny! I saw the TV commercial of a device called Barkoff. Maybe you can get that. For next play date.
Sarah, there will be NO MORE play dates, period!
One of my kids actually went on to learn to speak German. It may be of some use down the road.
My father's family spoke German at home because my grandfather was from Humgary, and my grandmother was Czek Neither knew the other's language,but they both knew German.
Living so close to the border, one would think that I would know Spanish. The only phrase I can say with authority is "La cuinta por favore!" I think that means "check please!" I can say it but I cannot spell it.
Dogs should speak French, because they kiss that way.
Hahaha! You are so right! Mulligan is a great kisser, plus he doesn't have bad breath. We have to put some weight on him, so I am cooking my own dog food. Yes, that's right! He knows it is for him, and he waits patiently while I heat it up.
My guy has Eine Kleine Nachtmusik on Abby's playlist. (All infants have iPods, yes?)
I read that as "La cunta por favor"...which means a whole nother thing. ((0.o)) Eeps.
Before I got my Westie I read where new puppies will think of you (their alpha) as "mommy" and sometimes it works to act like it. Soooo...when he started being bad I'd bark and growl at him. He stopped, but I think it was less because he was "put in his place" and more because he was wondering "WTF???"
@Bluz "la woof, la woof!"
Elisa,the barking thing may be getting out of hand, so I will take your suggestion.
Judie, this was a very witty post! I could have answered Paula, much as you, I think. Sometimes husbands just don't know when to be assertive. Speaking of husbands, the only Spanish phrase my husband was able to memorize was "Donde es el bano"? He needed that when we were in the Dominican Republic. :)
My son is in the import/export business, letters of credit and so on. So far no need for another language but I foresee that day coming soon.
Cher, Paula is such a bitch! She has been complaining about one thing or another ever since we moved her 12 years ago. At first she was afraid of Rod, but now she is afraid of me because I sent her a registered letter telling her to leave us alone and get some therapy for herself.
So many people in the world speak English now, that there is probably no need for another language. It is nice to know one, though.
Paula sounds like a good candidate for the Jerry Springer show! Loved that you sent her a registered letter. :)
Rod doesn't know how to be agressive with bullies. I just don't take any b.s. from anyone, and one way or another, I get my point across. We have not seen hide nor hair of her since the letter. She did contact the homeowner's association several months ago, stating that our wall was leaning towards her house and she could not close her gate. The president of the homeowners association is one of my closest friends, but she didn't know that. When he came out to inspect the wall, I told him that workers at her house had left the gate open and a wind shear had come up one night, causing the gate to bang against the side of her house, loosening the hinges. She was so sure we were going to have to pay for a new wall! Well, too bad, Paula.
If you COULD teach them to sing Mozart, wouldn't you be able to take that show on the road. Letterman, America's Got Talent. LOL.
It sounds like the playdate was howling good time!
:-D
I'm getting a little tense here. Now Precious and Mulligan are having bark-offs. They just stand, looking at each other and bark. No hostility, just a game. And now Mulligan has begun to howl! Not loudly--more like singing. It's a little scary, like a Stephen King novel.
<:/
What would we do without dogs? I would certainly not laugh as much or experience the extreme emotions on the ends of the spectrum.
Thanks for the kind comment you left on my blog. I appreciated it very much.
lR, I agree! Plus they give us great stories to write about!
As for my comment, you are welcome!
lol When one of the bark hiss at them loudly SSSS!!! (or SHH! or OY!! whatever moves you and comes out naturally for you) and use your fingers to poke them a little. They'll stop. But you have to do it each time. You'll feel like an idiot for a while, but it'll work.
I have found that if I shake my finger at Precious and tell her to use her inside voice very seriously, she will stop just long enough to see how serious I am. If she thinks that I mean it, she'll stop. Mulligan hasn't learned this yet. But he will!!
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