The Rogue Speaks:
Have you ever met a person who is so desperate to be acknowledged that he/she will do or say anything to get attention? This kind of person really wears me out! He/she doesn't really listen during a conversation, and is only thinking about what they are going to say next in order to promote their own agenda. They will try to turn the most inane subject around into a conversation about their own warped philosophy in an attempt to appear smarter than the listener, hoping to garner respect for their "superiority."
I find these people so tiresome in their desire to "dialogue" that I will do whatever I can to get away from them, short of chewing off my own foot. I would like to tell them that I don't give a rat's ass about their views of life on earth, but instead, I simply get up and leave. One would think that walking away should be a very strong clue that the "conversation" is over, but that is not always the case, and at the next opportunity the offending party will attempt to continue the monologue. Yikes! Get me out of here! And don't try to flatter me in an attempt to get me to come around. Flattery doesn't work on me--it only works on you, and not in a good way either.
How do you feel about people who think life is all about them? Do you know any of these people? How do you deal with them? Is your strategy effective?
20 comments:
We all know a person or people like that. When I come across one of them my strategy is simple: I don't make friendly.
Stay away, thank you very much!
Thanks, Rebecca! I'm with you. I even went so far as to say that I was absolutely not interested in dialoging. Some people just can't take "no" for an answer, though, so I just kept walking away.
Hmmm...hard to do...just walk away, when the person is a family member. We've all learned just to tune her out when it's too much...have a conversation around her, and avoid topics that she's passionate about. It gets old...really really old.
Noelle, you nailed it!
Dear Judie,
First off, welcome back! You were dearly missed. The issue of those who think it really is 'all about them' gets thorny when it involves family. Others are somehow easier for me to deal with because walking away is simple. The last time this happened with a family member, I actually told them it wasn't all about THEM. I said there were others to consider, and that I would no longer be their whipping post for venting. That stopped them in their tracks...and then I walked away. No matter what the situation, this one is always a kick in the gut.
Thanks, Cher! I just had to get that off my chest. I am working on a post about the 36 books and two manuscripts I read this summer. Even I don't believe I read that much!
xoxo,
J.
Yes and yes! I couldn't do anything to one, who's a family member and an elder. The other is a friend and an only child. Tiresome is correct! (The picture of Emaline and the caption are too funny!)
I need some new reading material, Judie, so I'm looking forward to that post. You read all that. I have always been impressed by you, but wow!
Sara, that is Joey's caption! It is so apt, though.
Cher, check my reading list on the left. There are three books that I will talk about soon. I love books that make me read every word. Most of them I read down the middle of the page and very easily got the plot. They are not bad books, but just easy reads. They were just what I needed.
I know exactly what you mean.
One family member can turn everything to her concerns. If someone announced that they had a terrible disease that first affected the elbows, they would hardly have it out and this person would launch into an account of her elbow troubles over the last 50 years!
Walking away or saying something would generate much anger, so I just limit my exposure.
ChrisJ, et al, I rest my case! I am so happy to have such intelligent friends! There is obviously a very good reason that I follow your blogs!
We have someone in our life who is over the top with this kind of personality. Unfortunately, he is someone we value in so many ways, but it gets so tiresome. We try to avoid subjects we know will set him off, but he also has the tricky knack of turning it back around. You could say, "oh, my uncle was just diagnosed with cancer." And he will say, "That's a shame, but you know cancer reminds me of of a battle that has to be defeated. You know my biggest battle where I came out victorious was when I made the winning touchdown the year we won state in high school. Blaa, blaa, blaa, blaa."
I kid you not. It's a tough one, Judie because usually those people are so egotistical they can't even see it themselves, no matter how big your signals are.
I'll say it again, glad to have you back.
I find so many behaviors interesting and disturbing at the same time. As irritating as it is, I can't help but wonder why they think the way they do.
Jason's ex bagged on a daycare talent show she "had" to attend for her 6 and 4 yr old daughters. The oldest invited me and my daughter. She had a little speaking part and I was SO proud of her. To speak at age 6 in front of a crowd is very impressive. :-)
The mom was very put out by such nonsense and wishes daycare wouldn't do fun things for the kids that the parents get "wheedled" into attending.
I thought that was sad and atrocious in equal amounts.
Pretty much how I feel about someone that turns the conversations to be all about them.
I wonder about people.. I really do.
And WOW on your list! Good job!!! I am glad you are back too.
Today I'm feeling like I'm the one making things all about me. My life just sucks and today is the only time i've had to talk about it. Once to a friend who came over for lunch and then to another one on Facebook. I can't take much more. I'm losing my mind.
I avoid them as much as possible. Life is too short to deal with that kind of annoyance and stress.
When I do encounter them, I often can get sucked in and then things can escalate, because I don't like being talked down to.
Joann, the person in question has done just that more times than I care to remember. It is soooo annoying.
Angelia, those two little girls are so lucky to have you in their lives!! You are a terrific role model for them.
Sai, I don't get sucked in any more--I simply get up and walk out of the room.
For my fiftieth birthday we flew over to Florida and boarded a cruise ship to go on a trip around the carribean. We had elected for formal dining at a table of ten. We figured that with eight other people besides ourselves the conversation should be varied and lively.
Oh boy. We got this couple from Kansas City on our table. He was a preacher, and boy did he preach! He monopolised every single conversation.
Well I can be polite for so long but after 4 days of this I was loosing the will to live! I started obsessing about this man and dreading dinner time - my husband said look, this is your birthday cruise, we have spent a fortune, you are allowing this man to spoil it for us.
Well i am a long time sober and I have learned to behave my mouth but you know sometimes.. just sometimes.
Day 5, my actual birthday, a cake at the table, balloons and everything. Flowers brought to the dinner table and my present from husband at my place setting. I was excited. I was 50 and against all odds I was alive, well and sober.
Then this odious man started on me, telling me that birthdays were for children. I looked straight at him and said "So where do you keep it then?"
he said "What?"
"Your torch" i replied.
"My torch? Why would I need a torch?"
I looked him straight in the eye and said:
"Sir, you are so far up your own arse, you are gonna need a torch to find your dinner plate".
Silence.
Me, husband, the Kansas man and his wife, couple from Ontario, couple from Boston, couple from North Carolina all in complete silence...
Kansas man got up, threw down his dinner napkin, said come along Emilie and left.
I apologised to the other diners. Every single one of them said thank you and after that, we had a table of eight and a great time.
Sometimes, bores need telling firmly!
Judie-so glad to see you back. Hope you're doing well. People who talk and don't listen, I'm afraid, don't find me very congenial company. The first time they interrupt me in the middle of a sentence, I become as silent as a Trappist monk and slink quietly away.
Juliana, I LOVE your response! Life is just too short to put up with fools! Fortunately for me, it will probably be years before we have to go back to Atlanta, if ever!
Incidentally, that jerk probably didn't even know that a torch is a flashlight!
Marty, I don't slink away--I look them right in the eye and walk away. Unfortunately, some just don't get it.
I am so happy to be home! I missed everyone terribly.
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