Jekyll Island Beach 2012

Jekyll Island Beach 2012

Saturday, September 4, 2010


The Rogue Speaks:

The Girl Next Door Grows Up ( sponsors "Feel-Good Friday" every week. I always try to participate, but yesterday I left quite early in the day and did not return until 8:30 last night. In one way, it was a feel-good Friday, because I participated in a charity golf event at the Ritz Carlton Golf Resort here. The sponsor was the Optimists Club of Oro Valley. This an annual event to fund activities for underprivileged children in the metro Tucson area. My very dear friend, Joe Bourne (internationally known vocalist and artist), persuaded me to play last year, and my team won the women's division. We won this year as well, and will continue to win great prizes every year until more women teams sign up. Then we are toast.

My friend Mary and I, and our friend Ursula, played together last year, but Ursula couldn't make it this year, so we had another woman, a stranger to us, assigned to our team. This woman was a little too bouncy, a little too cute, and a little too chatty. She whined and pouted about having to drive a cart by herself because she was "so tired!" and then she bummed cigarettes from Mary. I began to have a bad feeling. She knew nothing about playing a scramble, in which each person hits a shot and then the best shot is chosen, and this continues on until the ball is holed out. and even less about golf etiquette. She was definitely not an expert. HOWEVER, she was an expert in flirting with every man she saw. She was also an expert and getting men to buy her drinks, and in borrowing money from her playing partners to buy beer on the course.

It was a very trying day! It was brutally hot, the course was lacking shade, and after the first few holes, I could tell we were going to be out there a LONG LONG time. Every time we came up to a tee and a group was waiting to hit, out jumps Chatty Cathy, and makes a beeline for the guys. They were polite, and didn't have the heart to tell her that she was HOLDING UP THE WHOLE FIELD trying to be cute and catch a date. She even hit on some old guy who was sitting on a par 3, watching for holes-in-one.

There were no lengths this chick would not go to to attract attention from men. On one hole, she drove her cart into a wash and promptly got stuck in the sand up to the hubcaps. Poor little helpless female! Must find men to get her out! Along come four young gentlemen who were playing behind us, and were having their own fun drinking LOTS of beer. After beating their chests, they climbed down into the wash AND LIFTED THE GOLF CART UP OUT OF THE SAND, and placed it on firm ground. Mary and I sat in our cart on the cart path and watched. Frankly, it was revolting to me. What's more, it put us WAY BEHIND!

It was approaching twilight when we finally finished playing. I have never been so glad to finish a round of golf in my entire life. We raced back to the clubhouse, and our partner promptly disappeared into a sea of men without paying us the money she had borrowed. We were pissed!! When we finally snagged her, she seemed a little pouty that we wanted our money, and claimed she had to go to the locker room to get her purse (I didn't say anything, but her purse was on the table beside a drink from one of the men.) It was over 30 minutes later that we managed to catch up with her, and she quickly paid us, then slipped away to continue the hunt. We think she borrowed that money from some man she flirted with.

O.k., well we still managed to win the women's division, so that made me FEEL GOOD, but "God's Gift TO Men" had better not show up next year, expecting to be on our team. I am hoping that within the next 12 months, she will find the Sugar Daddy she is looking for so desperately, and stay away from golf entirely!


askcherlock said...

Judie, first I want to congratulate you and Mary for playing so well, even with a lame leg---that being Chatty Cathy. It is women like that who set us back decades. This gal was playing the field, working the man-crowd, anything but playing golf. When this happens so overtly, for example a woman who flirts with your husband while you are at his side, it causes me to grind my teeth at night and to regret all the things I did not say. But having decorum is taking the higher ground. You are a woman of class and did not stoop to her level. I truly commend you for that. Next time there is a need, however, I would pay a waitress at the club before I would have this chick (and I'm being euphemistic here) on your team.

Elisa said...

I don't know how to play golf, but i was I had been there!

bluzdude said...

And I bet she didn't even know all the requisite lines from Caddyshack, too!

Judie said...

Cher, I actually told Mary that we should have paid a waitress to play with us!!

Elisa, if you think Alabama is hot, believe me you are lucky that you were't here!

Ah, Tony! One of my favorite movies!
I might have told her, "See the ball--Be the ball..." just before I whacked her with my 9 iron. Nahnahnahnah!

Sarah said...

Obviously it's not the game she was after. Let's hope she catches whatever she was fishing for and disappear from the course forever.

Judie said...

Sarah, the prizes that she would have won if she had't been chasing around after all those men were given to me and Mary instead. There is justice!

rebecca said...

You shoulda hit her with a club and buried her in Hole 9 while you had the chance! Christ! Sorry you had to endure that....I don't golf but I work a golf tourney each September for the College I work in (we do fundraisers) and I know it is a long day to begin my condolences....

I think Ursula owes you girls a drink! =)

askcherlock said...

Judie, you actually told Mary you should have paid a waitress to play? My sister, my sister!

The Guy's Perspective said...

I love scrambles. Takes a lot of pressure off and they're supposed to be fun. But not with a gold digging moocher on your team. I'm amazed you managed to still win the darn thing!

Oh well, those kind of people are everywhere.

Hope you're having a good long weekend!

Judie said...

Rebecca, I just hope I never see the woman again!

Cher, I really did say that!

Sai, When we got to the green, she always wanted to putt the ball that she had hit. We kept telling her it didn't work that way, but finally Mary and I just putted out and let her do whatever she wanted to. She kept telling us that she could putt, but I think she was mistaking the word putt for another four-letter word, because she never sank a single one.

Anonymous said...

LOL - well done on winning and getting all that off your chest!
oh Judie, only women of a certain age would understand the Chatty Cathy remark. it is priceless.
I still have my Chatty Cathy - she is 45 years old, has her original knickers and frock and she still talks. only problem is, her voice box is stuck on 'Today is my birthday, will you come to my Party?'

seems rather apt considering the woman you have just described as it seems that is what she was out to do!

Smiles and blessings