The Rogue Speaks:
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Well, of course you all know who wrote that one! Our beloved Shakespeare, of course (Henry, The Fourth, Part 2, Act 2)!!
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And in a couple of hours, mine will be VERY uneasy! When we were in Atlanta, one of my crowns came out. I kept shoving it back in, but it just would'nt stay! Now, it has been deposed! I spent an hour at the dentist this morning, preparing to have a new and better crown installed!
Actually, it was a little more than an hour, and I was getting very antsy! First he tells me that he is going to numb up the area. "Just a little pinch, now!" he tells me. Yeah, right! "Now this next area you will feel a little more, I'm afraid! LET GO OF MY BALLS!! I AM ALL DONE!"
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Next comes "the jaws of life" to pull the side of my mouth open until it connects with my ear. Back tooth, you know. Then comes the dreaded drill.
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Here is a little tidbit of trivia that I'll bet you didn't know. Rod's dad invented the high-speed dental drill that has water coming out to cool and moisten the area being drilled. Because the area needs to be cooled THEY USE ICE WATER which spreads to the teeth that ARE NOT NUMB.
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Over the years, I have asked many dentists and dental assistants just why they cannot use tepid water in the drill and to scoot in your mouth to wash out the debris from all that drilling. They always give me a little half-smile, then ignore the question entirely.
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Here's why: The invention of novocaine took all the fun out of dentistry. When I was a small child, the dentist CHARGED EXTRA for novocaine. To his way of thinking, if he couldn't torture a small child, he would just make the parents pay him more money! My mother fooled him, though. She wouldn't pay extra for my comfort. I fooled them both, though. After he was through, I promptly threw up on him. This is not a lie. Then my mother would have to go across the street to Rich's in Atlanta and buy me some clothes to wear home. Neither of them ever learned.
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Having two strands of string jammed up into your gum is no picnic, let me tell you! Even with the novocaine, I was getting a little nervous. It felt like he was using a screw driver and a hammer to get that string up in there. My eyes were starting to water! But finally he was through, sort of. He jammed a tray of some sort of seaweed concoction into my mouth to make an impression for the TEMPORARY crown. This means that in two weeks, I have to go back and endure the "jaws of life" once again to get the new crown seated. OH, HAPPY DAY!
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I asked him if it was going to hurt when the novocaine wore off, and of course he told me that it "might be a little tender." Well, we all know what THAT means! It means that my mouth is going to hurt like the devil by the time I have to leave for my meeting to discuss plans for Holidazzle.
My only hope is that when I get to the "Wildflower" restaurant, everyone else on the committee will be as ready for some liquid anesthetic as I will.
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That old crown had been in my mouth for more than 25 years. Rod's dad put it in. It has served me well, but what will serve you all is to brush twice a day, and floss before you go to bed. DON'T ARGUE WITH ME, DAMN IT! I am an expert. So there!
30 comments:
Judie, you are so funny
This is way cool writing oh tanned Rogue...I especially like the part about going across to Rich's...downtown? Used to shop there with my mom on our weekend excursion to Hot Lanta...Rich's and Lenox Sq. ..Peace and blessings
Ah, yes - dentists of yore and no freezing. It's not something one ever forgets - so much so that I lost a few teeth because of dental avoidance; flossing isn't enough - Go To The Dentist!!!!
Thanks, Barb! You are soooo gifted!
Jeff, when my m,other was going to Rich's to buy me new clothes, there was no Lenox Square! I am OLD, my friend!
ChrisJ, I am a fanatic about brushing and flossing. When I was very young my mother didn't give a rat's ass if we brushed or not. I learned by my mistakes (or her's) that you HAVE to take care of your teeth. No one else will do it for you.
Yikes! This must be the week for dentists. My heart goes out to you as I have watched Rich in agony for two weeks. Just before we went to a posh wedding two weeks ago, one of his crowns came out. He is half-way through the process of not only that one but two others that need replaced. Let's not even talk about the cost!
I'm impressed that Rod's Dad invented that dental drill that has water coming out of it. Wonderful invention unless you get a dental assistant in training who manages to squirt your entire face! Anyway, Judie, it was a funny post on a not-so-funny issue. At your request (and good advice) we will now all floss!
Cher, I have been the queen of floss for a long, long time. My mother was not big on dental health and had to have a lot of periodontal work done. Not keeping your teeth clean can lead to serious health issues that affect your heart. It contributed to her death.
Great post, Judie! I've often thought that many dentists were sadists to some degree or another and your story adds credence to that theory!
We never went to the dentists as kids. My mom would simply have a look-see in our mouths every once and awhile and pronounce us dentally fit. These days I do take much better care of my choppers!
Thanks for sharing! This was a hoot!
Judie, I am delighted to discover your blog and humorous essays, great pictures-- Thanks for sharing, I will be back again soon.
I brush twice a day and floss too and I still have more crowns than is fair...my dentist told me I inherited my bad teeth honestly.
I had just convinced myself to call the dentist...I was going to do it toda in fact...now I think I'll wait another day or two.
Oh...and one more little thing: Judie, that painting The Flower Woman - it's breathtakingly beautiful and I've stared at it for at least 5 minutes. Oh my...I think I'm in love. :)
Judie, what a funny post. Although the whole dentist thing is just giving me the heebie-jeebies so I might have missed a part or two.
Tom, thanks for the remarks. What I really want is for you to connect with my son, Joey. He is a gifted writer. Please help me out on this. His blog address is mauhaus529.blogspot.com/
Thanks, Diane. This has been a lot of fun for me since I first started it in January 2010.
Noelle, keep up the good work. You are a young woman, and have a lot of years left. Make the most of them.
Jen, even though I tried to make it humerous, this is actually serious stuff. Thanks for all the humor that you inject into our lives.
A note to eveyone--dental health is so very important to your general health. Please, please do not ignore it.
Well Judie, I did one better when I was little. I BIT THE DENTIST. He hurt me! Waaah. And of course I have a mouthful of crowns that now need to be replaced--yikes. I love going to the dentist in Nogales--they give LOTS of novacaine and I can shop. Hopefully I will return safely after the next trip...
I used to go with ArtLadyLoving when she went to Nogales to the dentist. Now, I am a little hesitant to go down there. I felt perfectly safe in Cancun, though.
Next week it's my turn to meet the dentist. Thanks for sharing what to do to him when he's hurting me!
Thanks for putting my paiting on your blog.
Judie, you are so right about teeth and good health. My mother ignored a sore tooth because she thought she was indispensable at work. As it happened, she collapsed at work and was rushed to the hospital. The infection in her tooth had spread to her bloodstream. Serious lesson.
Dick, I checked out your new site. Beautiful work on it. I think your painting looks great on my blog. Thanks for letting me post it!
Cheryl, how's my baby doing in the dining room? I deposited your check today on the way to play golf with friends. After being out in the beauty, peace, and quiet of the course, I feel much better!
How are Rich's crowns coming along?
xoxo
I feel for you...I'm terrified of dentists. Hate them. Hate the smell, the sound of the drill, everything...just sends me in a panic. Medication doesn't work on me; you need to knock me out cold.
But, I loved your Shakespeare's quote. Henry V was my favorite....
Well, when I finally grew up about the dentist, everything was fine. Until my crown fell out, all I ever had done was cleaning twice a year. My dentist says I am the poster girl for good dental health. But those crowns! They don't last forever!
Pretty cool about Rod's dad. Of course why couldn't he have invented something really cool, like an altered state, where we can go while our mouths are being ripped apart!
Take care!
HAHAHAHA! Don't we all wish! Or maybe detachable body parts. "Here's my mouth-I'll be back after the movie."
Thanks for being so descriptive. Now my teeth hurt. Ahhhh!!! I hate the dentist. I had a yuk, yuk mouth about 15 years ago. Try 13 cavities in one visit! Luckily #2 husband was an avid flosser. The best part of the marriage was taking that habit with me. Now, I floss TWICE at night. Once with a bristle pic, then reg floss.
I really do love my dentist. He is very talented and easy on the eyes since he is blonde and built very nice. Can't beat those Norweigans!
Hope you feel better!!
My dentist has a nice soothing voice. I have no idea what he looks like because he is always wearing a mask! HAHAHAHA!
My childhood dentist was a sadist for sure. I remember sliding out of the chair and falling to the floor and he still kept on drilling.
I'm here Judie!!!
Here's my secret Soniccare and dental floss. I am a floss addict. I have floss in my car, my purse, everywhere.
When I was a little girl, if I would flinch because my dentist with his big ass hands and bad dentist skills would hurt me, he would whisper in my ear, "Don't be such a baby."
I hated the dentist for most of my life. But then I met the dentist of my dreams. He specializes in gentle dentistry and he has never, ever hurt me. And his dental office smells like French Vanilla instead of the sickly smell of antiseptic. Oh, and then there's the fact that he is hot, hot, hot. I recommend those kind of dentists, the hot ones, to everyone.
I hope your mouth feels better. Take the pain meds.
Ginny, remember "Little Shop of Horrors"? Well, my first dentist was just like Steve Martin in that movie.
Joann, you and Angelia with those sexy dentists! Actually, when Rod's dad retired, I did go to a sexy dentist for a while--then we moved.
I haven't had to take even a Tylenol, which is surprising, given my exceptionally low pain threshold. Did I spell that right? Oh, well--I have aged about 10 years this summer, and I attribute my bad spelling these days to THAT!
Glad you're home, sweetie! Have a wonderful birthday tomorrow!!
OMG! You had a crown last 25 years, he must have been some dentist.
I have 2 crowns - my front teeth. One is 17 years old and the other 3 years old. The newer installation came after an accident..
My front left crown ahd been a bit wobbly for a month or so but I was delaying the dentists partly for the reasons you graphically describe and partly becasue all dentistry is private and I need to schedule when I was going to rob a bank to pay for it.
I then took my youngest son to an amusement park for the day. We went on the coaster and although terrified, I did it. "let's go again mum - in the front car". I agreed.
I screamed as we went hurtling down a big hill, the pressure wave hit my open mouth and out popped the wobbly crown...
Any idea how fetching the one tooth look is on a woman? The miserable operatives refused to close down the ride to hunt for my lost tooth. Humpf!
But I gave my son the best day ever, we stayed at the park all day, taking every opportunity I could to widely grin at people.
My philosophy is make the best of whatever comes your way!
Smiles.
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