No Butt-Cracks Here!

The Rogue Speaks:

Six years ago, the dishwasher that came with our fourteen-year-old house crapped out. It was making those noises that only mothers hear. Men are not attuned to the sounds of daily living unless it involves their cars--and not always then!!

Off we go to the appliance store whose ads we see daily on t.v., and where our friends tell us is the only place to shop. I am NOT looking for a dishwasher that not only cleans the dishes, but puts them away as well. That's why I married Rod--to do the tasks that bore me to tears.

After all the blah, blah, blahs, we pick out one we can live with. Not the top of the line, mind you, but a good solid product. It should serve a family of two (or three) for many years, we were told. NOT!!

After the deal was done, and an installation date set, we went home pretty satisfied that we had made a good choice.

The installer came about one hour late of the designated time. He was a middle-aged guy, very thin, smelling slightly of beer, and apologizing for being a little late. Fine! Just do your job and get the hell out! I left him to his task.

It was awfully quiet in the kitchen, so I decided to check things out. A watched pot never boils, so I had retired to my office to do some reading. WATER!!EVERYWHERE!!And in the middle of the mess was the installer, looking rather stunned.
I became a little nervous and asked him if there was a problem. He assured me that there was not, and could he please have a couple of towels. Fine.

He wandered into the office and told me the job was done. Great! Now, leave so I can get back to work. He left.

A couple of hours later I go into the kitchen to put a few things in the new and better dishwasher and find that the door only opens SIX INCHES! He had put the base plate in UPSIDEDOWN! I am livid!

I must tell you that I have little tolerance for people who don't know what the f*** they are doing, but do it anyway. And I have less tolerance for people who hire these incompetent people without knowing whether or not they can do the job. Desperate times call for desperate measures, but NOT WHEN IT INVOLVES INSTALLATIONS!!!

Sales people don't like hearing from me. If you sell me something, by God you had better get it right, or I will come after you with a vengeance. I don't care if you are working your nuts off trying to support a wife and 10 children, AND your wife's mother, who never liked you in the first place. DON'T UNDERESTIMATE ME!

Needless to say, the very next day a new installer showed up to fix the mess the obvious vagrant made, and for the next six years, the dishes were clean and the machine sounded normal.

It is now 2010. We left in May to take care of Rod's mum in Atlanta. We were gone for three weeks. We come home, everything is fine(with the dishwasher!). We leave again for a VACATION in Mexico with my sister-out-law. We come home, everything is fine (with the dishwasher, that is!) Then we have to leave on the spur of the moment to go back to Atlanta.

Next thing we know, the kitchen is flooded with dishwasher water. If you ever want to clean the grout between your tiles, use dishwasher detergent. Just make sure you finish the job or your floors will look a little spotty.

We come home, and the washer has calmed down a little, so we think it was just an isolated incident. Don't believe this way of thinking for a moment--if it leaks once, it will leak again!

I am tired of washing these f****** towels from the dishwasher water! I tell Rod he has GOT TO CALL THE REPAIR MAN TODAY!

O.k., so I am out on the golf course, having a nice time with my friends. Since I have had no real summer, this is the best I can do. The repair man is scheduled for 10 a.m. Rod calls. He tells me we have to talk about getting a NEW dishwasher. TALK? What's to talk about??

I am seething! I get home and tell Rod we will take seperate cars to the appliance store, because he really doesn't want to be in the same space with me right now.

Of course, I get to the appliance store before Rod, and I have already given the salesman the criteria for not only a new dishwasher, but for installation as well. The guy looked a little scared--as well he should.

After Rod arrived and learned of my preference, I left before things got violent between me and the saleman. I let him know in no uncertain terms that this job had better be done right OR ELSE! Then I left. I don't deal with the money part. It is not my job.

O.k., so today is installation day. The installer calls at EXACTLY 7:30 this morning. He has been warned by the salesman not to piss me off. He tells me he will arrive between the hours of 9 a.m. and 10:a.m. He arrives at 9:30. O.k., so far.

THEN, he tells me that I have bought the wrong brand!!! He can't connect the new dishwasher because the connections are DIFFERENT!!! OMG! What a bad thing to say to me! My eyes get very wide, my teeth are clinched, and I tell him in no uncertain terms that he will MAKE IT WORK!!!!!!!

In the meantime, the salesman calls and tells me that he accidentally used the wrong form when filling out our credit application. He sounds a little nervous to be talking to me. I am quiet-very quiet. He tells me that EVERYTHING IS REALLY O.K. but he just wanted me to know. Fine, I tell him. I will let my husband know. OF COURSE I WILL!! Over the years I have dealt with pediatricians, school issues, homework, bed-wetting, shopping, cooking, cleaning,and all the other crap that mothers do. Someone else can deal with the money. I am way too tired for that!!

Everyone has gone. The house is quiet. Keil took me out for lunch because he could see that I was stressed out to the max. Rod came home and told me not to cook any dinner because he had a big lunch. WELL THAT'S GOOD BECAUSE I WASN'T PLANNING TO COOK ANYWAY!

I am sleeping in in the morning. Don't bother me. Make me some coffee and get me the paper. Load the dishwasher. If it doesn't work, FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T TELL ME!!!