Wednesday, April 20, 2011
THE ALPHA DOG
The Rogue Speaks:
This is a departure from my usual Alphabe-Thursday offering because I am not feeling very intellectual today. The bathroom remodel is going on, the house is filled with the sound of an electric saw, and to add to that, I am constantly chasing after Liz, who snapped up a plumbing "U" joint and chewed holes in it. There is plaster dust everywhere, as well as little white dog footprints in every room. I am trying to remain calm, however, because as the saying goes, "children will be children." Bearing that in mind, please enjoy my offering, "A is for Alpha Dog."
There is a battle raging in my home, and it happens on a daily basis. It is a battle for power and respect, and it is going on between Mulligan and Little Liz to become the Alpha dog. Mulligan thinks because he is bigger and older, he should be the Alpha dog. Little Liz thinks because she is petite, cute, fearless, and completely self-absorbed, that she should be in charge, or in her own words "Queen of the World."
Here's the latest argument between our two dog-children:
Liz: "You're not the boss of me! I have papers!"
Mulligan: "WTF!!! Just because I'm undocumented doesn't mean that you can just ride roughshod over me! I've worked hard to survive! Before Mom and Dad adopted me, I was dissed and beaten up on a daily basis by a Sheltie! I had to fight for my food, and when I tried to escape, those people would always drag me back! You've never had to work a day in your life, you little..."
Liz: "I'm tellin'! You called me the "B" word! Mom! Mulligan called me the "B" word!"
Mulligan: "That's right, you little tattletale! Go on! Do it! I dare you! Go hide behind Mom like you always do!"
Liz: "Mom loves me the best!"
Mulligan: "Does not!"
Liz: "Does too!"
Mom: "What's going on in here? You two are playing on my last nerve!! Take that screaming and fighting outside before I put you both in "time out! Mulligan, watch out for your sister so the raptors don't get her!"
Mulligan: "I hope they do! It would serve her right!"
Mom: "You don't mean that! Your sister loves you! Aren't you ashamed of yourself?"
Liz: "Mom! He hates me! He's always trying to get me in trouble!"
Mulligan: "Hahaha! That's a joke! You're the one who pees on the floor! You get in trouble all by yourself! Stop acting like such a baby!"
Does this exchange sound familiar to you? Well, it certainly does to me! I have been hearing it now for more than 40 years! It all started after my first two human children became old enough to talk, and it has been going on ever since. Our vet is always reminding me that one cannot attach human emotions to animals. He doesn't live in this house, though.
We always took the first two dog-children to Atlanta with us when we went to see our parents. We were visiting my mother one afternoon, when the dog-children got into some mischief involving a squirrel on the patio. I was lecturing them when my mother walked into the den.
"You're talking to those dogs just like they were people!" my mother declared.
"What dogs??" I asked.
As I write, the battle for the spot of Alpha dog rages on. But tonight, when the lights are turned out and we are all in bed, those two dog-children will be cuddled up together. They look so sweet and innocent when they are asleep. Does that sound familiar??
>p.s. If you have not read my post from Sunday, then please continue reading. Bloggers Unite is a very important group that needs your support. Join today. It is so easy to do. Together, we can make a difference.