Does not remotely resemble our house at Christmas!!
The Rogue Speaks:
Dear Friends and Family, It is time again for our annual Christmas letter. A lot of exciting things have happened this year, beginning with the marriage of our step-niece, Irma, to Bud Tugly. Poor Irma still can’t find a job! It’s a good thing that Bud is such an entrepreneur! First he went out and got a license for $15 from PreachersAreUs.com, and then he came up with a very clever idea to make money and stay on the road so he didn’t have to listen to Irma whining about her job status. His wedding chapel on wheels is very popular, and Bud’s raking in money hand over fist! He rolls into towns and sets up outside the local bars just before closing. The he gets out his loudspeaker and starts trolling! Some men will do anything when they’re liquored up! As you know, Rod takes our dog children on a walk every day, but one day, when he was not paying attention, Little Liz got herself in some serious trouble. She was caught by the Oro Valley police dealing dope to folks she met along the way. Rod swears he had no idea what she was up to, and fortunately, Officer Friendly believed him. Liz is now wearing an ankle bracelet until her court date. Joey, Aimee, and the twins are coming to spend Christmas with us, and Rod is in charge of decorating the house and the tree. He couldn’t find the crèche and the Italian figures that I spent an arm and a leg for over 20 years ago, so I had to get a little creative and fashion one from stuff I had on hand. Since it is loaded with salt and preservatives, we can always snack on it after the family goes home. I got the idea from my friend, Jenny Matlock, creator of Alphabe-Thursday. She always makes such neat stuff!! We just got word today that a few distant relatives on my mother's side of the family are on their way here to Tucson for Christmas. I know that charity begins at home, but my home is just not big enough to accomodate these folks. I haven't even seen or heard from them for years, and I'm wondering just how they knew where we were. When we moved from Memphis, we only left an 800 number for family just so relatives couldn't hunt us down. Here's the last photo I took of them. I don't think they have ever been any farther than the Georgia/Alabama state line, and Rod thinks they just might get lost and end up in Mexico. Rod was a big hit with the neighborhood kids when he dressed up as Santa with his little helper. I'm thinking that the twins are still a little young for this sight, so I made him return the suit. The little helper hat was mysteriously ripped to shreds after this photo was taken. No one would confess, but I did notice some tiny teeth marks in what was left of it. Before I sign off, here is a little audio to get you in the Christmas spirit. Before you listen, please go to my playlist on my right sidebar, and turn down the volume for the music. It's on the right where those little bars are!!
I know this isn't my usual borderline insane Christmas letter. I think I really needed a bottle of Bailey's and a straw, but with the state of the economy right now, it's just a little too pricey!
P.S I almost forgot! Our son, Joey had one of his short stories published, and I'd love for you to read it. It's called "Anoint Your Engine for a Heavenly Ride." Just click on the title, and enjoy! Let me know what you think!!
p.p.s O.k! That link doesn't seem to work all the time! So the website is Ferocious Quarterly Short Works and my son's name is Joseph Mau. Check it out and report back!!